Biryani v Biryani

What is it? I know it's more than just curry and rice. And it's not pilau - that's lighter, I think. And is it the same as Pilaf? Or isn't it? I wikipedia-ed it, and it says it is spiced meat or vegetables and plain rice cooked separately, then brought together and layered. This differentiates it from pilau, which is more of a one-pot-wonder.

But then again, there are hundreds of styles of biryani, many of which seem to break the rules outlined above. It originated in Persia, and then spread along the spice route, and it appears that every nation from Iraq to Malaysia has it's version. Come to think of it, there are dishes like Ouzi from more western areas like Palestine and here in the UAE that could almost be termed biryani.

This is the 6th competition the Arabian Courtyard Hotel has held here, and yet the first I have heard of. It came to me through our tabletalk.me Facebook page, asking for competitors. Unfortunately it coincided with bakefestdxb and the remaining tabletalkers, including myself, considered ourselves unworthy. I had only cooked biryani twice in the past; once was a complete burnt disaster that resulted in a quick run to the local curry take-out, depositing the biryani pot in the bin on the way. The second result was what I like to term 'meh' - completely uninspiring. So I laughingly offered to judge. After all, I am a very experienced diner. Who would have thought they would take me up on the offer? 


The Biryanis we are looking at today are predominantly Lucknow or Hyderabad style Pakki Biryani. This means that the rice is cooked by absorption method, simply seasoned with little more than salt, saffron and possibly cardamom. The meat, fish, or vegetables will be cooked separately in a richly flavoured sauce. The other spices we will expect to find are mace, turmeric, cumin, pepper, cloves, coriander, possibly garam masala, or a fragrant curry spice mix, bay leaves, garlic and ginger. They will be brought together only in the final moments - an arranged wedding that we know is going to work.

When I arrive at 11am, the first group of ladies have started. From 75 submitted recipes from applicants, they have selected 10 to compete today (Interestingly, all Asian, mainly Indian in origin, and all female). There are 5 women sharing the Mumtaz Mahal kitchen, and in what is probably an unpleasant turn-around, Chef Glen is taking orders from them rather than governing his own kitchen. It has been commandeered for the day - a welcome change or a thorn in his side.... who can tell? He fetches fried onions, nuts and lettuce at their command, procures pots and covers for their pleasure and then stands in the corner appearing intermittently worried and supremely chefly.



I am joined soon by Rakesh Puri, who's credentials you can find by clicking on the link. He's been judging this event since it began six years ago, and he has the ladies giggling and offering smiles and flattery as bribes in seconds flat. When he enters the kitchen, he is given a Toque Blanche, and I grumble to a poor little waiter who had earlier given me a particularly unattractive hair net. He bows obsequiously and returns moments later with a chef's hat, but by then I am embarrassed by my behaviour and decline.

The first group are pushed out at 12 noon, and the new 5 ladies quickly assume their positions (two due to swelter in their abaya and hijab) while Rakesh, Chef and I peruse the first offering. Dish #1 is deconstructed. The other ladies are shocked to see potato duckies sitting on vermicelli nests, and a vase of carrot flowers. The meatballs are coated in silver leaf, and guardedly, they ask if they also were expected to present as such. They are horrified, worried and jealous. No, says Rakesh - they will be judged predominantly on the taste - the items of presentation must have some bearing on the flavour of the dish or they will be ignored. Four women smile contentedly and nod among each other, and distance themselves from the food-stylist.

The other four dishes are more simply presented, but far from unattractive. The rice is always deeply coloured with the saffron, and often there is a pleasant mixing of both yellow and white grains. The prawn biryani at the end wins my vote for presentation - six crispy red tiger prawn heads appear to launch themselves over a golden wave. It also wins me on taste - the prawns are cooked two ways - either curled up into springy little spirals, or thickly sliced slabs of sweet and tender flesh. The spices in this one are simple, and don't overwhelm the delicate seafood. The mutton biryanis vary tremendously - one sweet, complex and nutty, the other richer and saltier. The vegetarian is covered in fruits - pomegranate, grapes, pineapple, and although the rice is beautifully flavoured, overall it's a little too fruity for me.

The first ladies gossip in seats in the other half of the restaurant that look like rickshaws - it gives me the impression they are riding off to lunch and having a good old natter on the way. Families join them. A sitar player treats our ears. A little girl falls asleep on a beaded cushion at his side. Rakesh whips out a sheath of paper and works on some healthy recipes, and I wish I had brought something to make myself look busier. I begin a particularly furious game of online scrabble with a fiend called 1Maynemayne, and convince myself that he is cheating - "weasons" is a word, he says. I'll give him a weason to keep clear of me if he ever comes near one of my games again - that wascally wabbit!


Round two finally nears completion, but the steaming copper bowls arrive at such large intervals that I find myself salivating. I point out that it would be unfair to judge some cold, and luckily the others agree. The vegetarian this time is a wet style in a rich coconut gravy - southern, I am told. Two chicken ones are as different as the two mutton ones were earlier - one is Kachchi Gosht ki biryani, and has been cooked differently - the marinated meat is placed in the bottom of the pot raw, with the rice on top, and then the pot is sealed with dough to stop any moisture leaking. I really enjoy this - the chicken is more tender, and the spices more integrated. I also love the stuffed marinated eggplants she has served along-side rather than the more traditional raita. Rakesh tells me this is forbidden, but I ignore him and mark it well anyway.

The stand-out is the fish-stick biryani, which I admit, sounds terrible. It is in fact tender little parcels of crispy crumbed hamour and coriander, mixed with a very fragrant rice - more herbacious than the others, which have spices that are just as piquant, but have tended towards the sweetly pungent end of the spectrum.

We have been given judging forms, and I duteously fill the entire thing out, giving marks out of 10 for hygiene, timeliness, presentation, colour and texture, and a mark out of 50 for taste. At completion I look at Rakesh and Chef's forms, and they have only three pencil-marks as compared to my 60. First, second and third. I total all mine, therefore adding another 10 scratches to the table, and surprisingly come up with pretty much the same choices as them. I concede my third choice (the chicken Kachchi Gosht) and agree with Rakesh's choice of the prawns. The more complex of the two earlier mutton dishes takes second place.

The ladies gather for photographs, and the crowd swoop on the remaining biryani. A presenter from Hum FM circles the table and give account in Hinglish so fast it flows out of her mouth like musical popcorn. My second look-in at the fish-sticks was fruitless, but luckily everyone else left the eggplants just for me. The prizes were glittery sandals and vouchers for the other restaurants at the Arabian Courtyard. And just as I am dawning on the fact that I and the Food and Beverage manager are the only western people in the jam-packed room, I am called up to accept a thank-you gift and speak.

It's one of those time-stands-still moments. In a room of strangers, having judged something you know little about - an outsider, an intruder. But then I gaze around the room, and see all these expect and and happy faces with full smiles plumped with spice, and feel surprisingly quite at home. I confess my burning episode with my first attempt at Biryani, and vow to give it another go - inspired as I am with all their work and my love of the dish itself.

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The Biryani Competition is open to all amateur cooks, and occurs annually at Mumtaz Mahal at the Arabian Courtyard hotel in Bur Dubai (ph. 04-3519111). This particular one was on May 27 2011. The restaurant deserves further exploring - I intend to return soon to see their apparently authentic 11 piece band and eat traditional and excellent Indian food with the owners of all the textile shops in the nearby souk, who dine here nightly.





Come dine with me.



Foodies.

The word itself is cozy. It's got a lovely long vowel sound that makes one pout, followed by one that encourages a smile. a kiss and a grin - worthy of replacing the word "cheese" during a photo shoot. So why is it that I find myself gritting my teeth when I bring this word to mind?

Nerves.

The kind of nerves that 18th century aristocratic French women used to get. The vapours. Anxiety brought on by committing to an amateur version of "come dine with me". But, unlike that show on the BBC, where they hand-pick 5 people that are polar opposites, of varying cooking ability, and generally fit into the typecasts of snob, comedian, geek, earth mother and slapper, in our version are 5 food lovers with food blogs. And its a competition. The event was planned for Saturday lunch (so the light would be suitable for photography without a tripod.)



Decisions.

What do you cook food bloggers? This is not your standard menu-planning operation for any old dinner party. These are not forgiving friends. They are epicureans with insatiable appetites for perfection. There are several factors that need to be satisfied.

History. All dishes must be something cooked previously. The thought of trying a new recipe and have it leave egg on one's face either figuratively or literally is enough to break out the smelling salts. No, it must be tried and tested.

Presentation. It MUST look good. These people are food stylers and photographers, but not only that, so are you. They expect the food to look as good as it does on your blog, or as good as the food looks on their blog - whichever is better. They are snap-happy maniacs who bring tripods to lunch. They plan how they are going to plate up their recipes the night before they cook them. These are the kind of people who fight hungry hands off plates of delicious treats until they are cold and unappetising, just so they can take 45 photos to get that good one that will be featured on tastespotting.com

Taste. A pitiful third on my decision making list. But I am not just talking about something yummy. I am talking #nomnomnom yummy. The kind of yummy that makes them shut up for five minutes and just enjoy the food. These people dissect the flavours in food like the would a laboratory frog in biology class. Ideally you also want to wow them, just a little. But heaven forbid you scare them. No offal, truffles, blue cheese or anchovies. You must also remember that these are not chefs, conditioned to appreciate all flavours. No, they might still be picky, and not only that, we have an Englishman, an English woman, a Tanzanian and a German in the mix - all with different palate histories.

Mastery. It must involve a technique or knowledge that you believe you may "own" in the group. Something that makes them say "wow - you can do that?!?". It must be something they would not cook themselves, and even better, could not cook themselves.

Fifth, and finally, preparation. It must be easy to prepare whilst under intense scrutiny. No hours in the kitchen leaving your guests time to discover the skeletons in your closets. No unpleasant sights involving intense perspiration, bespattered clothing, dribbling mascara or explosions verbal or actual in the kitchen. Preferably, you want as much cooking out of the way as possible, with just reheating and plating taking your time.

We had to submit menus one week earlier. I am a spur-of-the-moment cook, relying heavily on fresh seasonal ingredients, so opted for first position, hoping that ingredients needed more than a week to become unseasonal. I cheated, and avoided supplying details of the side dishes, and came up with the following:
  • Salmon carpaccio
  • Barbecued lobster with tarragon and mustard
  • Sticky Date Pudding with caramel sauce

You will notice that I completely ignored my own advice listed under 'taste' and 'scaring guests' and decided to serve raw fish.

Friday morning. Hangover. Followed by birthday party. Fortunately not a pool party, so I found a lurid lime beanbag in the corner and allowed it to suck me into obscurity for the duration. And in my hungover state in this chlorophyll colored cocoon, I made my shopping list, including ingredients for my side dishes, which stupidly included risotto. Risotto of course breaks cardinal rules of both 'presentation' and 'preparation'. It involves 20 minutes of standing around stirring it on a stove, and no matter how well you cook it, its appearance is pretty much lumpy mush. Unfortunately it also breaks the 'history' rule, because although I have cooked it several times in the past, it always ends up with the texture of Clag or Oliver Twist's gruel.

So I went to the supermarket, still shell-shocked from the morning's activites, with Goldilocks in tow. And instead of meticulously picking out all my ingredients, then checking and double checking, I spent the time fending marshmallows out of the trolley, glaring at old women who dared to assume I cannot control my noisy child, and playing zoom-zoom trolley games to stop Goldie throwing out the few ingredients I had managed to tick off the list. Fresh Tarragon? Unavailalble. Scottish Salmon? Old and slimy. Tasmanian Salmon? Only fresh, not frozen (I have no idea how they can call Tasmanian Salmon fresh - it takes me 14 hours just to fly to Melbourne, and I don't have to get off a fishing line, on and off a trawler, over the docks, through quarantine, through a delivery bay and to the supermarket. Although, I guess they have the benefit of not having to stop by the duty free...). At least there were some beautiful, still frozen Omani lobster on special. Jackpot. (yes, I like frozen fish, particularly when I am cooking it the next day)

Take two. Saturday. Hangover. Hambone disappears to the office for a couple of hours to escape my moans and groans and quite possibly a little bit of nagging, and two children who for some godforsaken reason seemed to want some attention. Fortunately I have Mother Mary to help me in these situations, and although I felt it would be cheating to have her do any food prep, I was more than happy to offload all other responsibility. The shopping trip was more effective this time around, saving my rising blood pressure just a little. The only downfall was a continual lack of decent salmon. Why did I pick Carpaccio? I'm out of my head. Quick change - tuna. This of course resulted in a complete change of side dish. Bugger.

My prep went well - besides being elbow-deep in lobster entrails for far too long, and taking off half my knuckles in the first batch of lemon zest, it went without incident. Sally has detailed the rest of the day here. She has kindly neglected to mention the inevitable slovenly pile of al dente glue that the risotto became, the burning of the first batch of garlic butter and my nead to steady myself with several glasses of Sauvignon Blanc. But, I must say, that apart from that, the day was considerably less intimidating than I expected. I also met them all again this week at Sukaina's house, so think I managed to feed them without poisoning them.

So, now you know the inner workings of my neurotic character as a precursor to this luncheon, do you think you could steel your stomach and "Come dine with me"?

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Other competitors are Sally from My Custard Pie, Anja from Anja's Food for thought, Sukaina from Sips and Spoonfuls, and Jonathan - our token male and non-food-blogging gourmand. The girls also contribute to tabletalk.me

I'll be popping the recipes up on my pages in coming days - the sticky date pudding can be found here.



Venice Transplants

Imports...

In Dubai, it would be nigh impossible to live without them. Even historically, this region has been a centre of trade - silk, spices, gold, food, it all comes and goes. When I do my weekly shopping, I return home with beef from Australia, prawns from Oman, apples from China, oranges from Spain, potatoes from Saudi Arabia, cheese from France. I've spoken about this before: in Dubai, we are all consumers - the rest of the world creates, and we buy it in and eat it up. But how far should it go?

Last week, I attended the launch for a new dining concept, (Dinedubai) and they had me and a bunch of much more important people meet them over lunch at Caffe Florian in the DIFC. When I received the invitation, I knew the name, but couldn't remember where I had heard it, so I Googled. Lo and behold, it's an import. The oldest still-running cafe on Piazza San Marco in Venice has decided to update it's image by opening in block 6 of the DIFC Gate district. Natural progression, no? I mean, Venice, Dubai, they're just stepping stones apart really?

hmmm...



But, I kept an open mind. I need to control myself in these matters. I am just a little anti-brand if that makes sense. I have been ripped off just one too many times buying the 'real deal' - don't even get me started on $300 frying pans. So, putting to the back of my mind my €10 Chinotto last year in Piazza San Marco, complete with snooty service, shitting pigeons and thousands of tourists, I tried to remember the circa 1720 interior, the smell of authentic panforte and espresso, the clamour of 10 chefs in a kitchen the size of a Dubai maid's room, the whisper of ghosts in the walls and the poetry of tragic romatics.

The DIFC is beautiful, but it's too clean, linear, sterile, straight and grey. The cafe is well lit, modern, sure, Italian, but in the way an Armani Suit is Italian. In the words of the great Dr Spock, "It's life Jim, but not as we know it." Not quite Venice transplanted. More like Venice translated - into the kind of English you see on a pirate video cover.

Sure, it's pleasant in its own way. I wont talk much about the food, because I was there 1. for free, and 2. at a function of 30-odd people, and I believe it's a little harsh to judge a place in those contexts. However, they did do a remarkably good job impressing me with a parmesan taglietelle and shaved truffle dish.

The Maitre'd brought out a wheel of Parmegiano, it's top concave He began to scrape the surface with a silver spoon, roughing it up in a fluid motion and leaving delicate little curls like sawdust in the base. A jar sat along-side with a bulbous black truffle stored in cool rice. Soon, the chef arrived, and loaded the steaming taglietelle straight into the cheese-bowl, then tossed it theatrically to incorporate the tiny swirls of salty deliciousness. Then each plate was delivered, and a generous amount of black truffle was shaved onto each serve by the Maitre'd.

It really was quite wonderful. I haven't had any decent truffle since last year in Melbourne, and even then, I don't think it was this good. The amazing thing with black truffle (which I know is the cheaper one, but in my opinion, is actually the superior), is that they are sweet and delicate when fresh - nothing like that toxic funky truffle oil - which often contains not a scrap of truffle. Despite all my following complaints, I will probably return to Caffe Florian Dubai, just so I can eat some more of this king of fungi. Hopefully they won't also make me eat my hat.

My problem started with the very brief conversation I had with the Maitre'd. As you can imagine, I often bring my camera out at restaurants, and for the first time ever, I was told I could not take photographs. The response to my obvious retort of "Why?" was something along the lines of
"because we are forbidden to sell pork or alcohol, we have decided to forbid photographs"
"Huh?"
"We do not want the publicity"
"Huh?"
"Caffe Florian is a very prestegious brand. Very Italian. We would be ashamed."
"Errr...."

As you can see, I completely ignored his requests. I was quite shocked with the response, and so confirmed it with my companion, who agreed that was exactly what she had heard. Now, I must stress that this is by far, NOT an official comment from the group, and may have been mis-heard (by two of us). But why would you want to sell a franchise that you would be "ashamed" of? And do the Dubai owners realise that this is the way their own staff (who I believe were Italian) regard this venue - to be inferior, and far from a match of the prestigious venue they have bought the name of?

And this brings me back to imports.

What is the region's fascination with brands, and when will it end? I can understand some items - cars, shoes, electronics. Consumables where the brand will provide a guarantee of quality and style, durability and performance. I can also understand hotel chains - again, a guarantee of the standard due to their international profile, and for that matter I will not begrudge brand names such as McDonalds and Starbucks. Again, international brands that take the risk out of consumption for wary travellers.

But the original Cafe Florian (right) is famous mainly due to it's history and location. Some may say it's because of it's beauty, or the fact that Casanova, Byron, Proust and Dickens were patrons, but can you imagine for a moment that it would have lasted the test of time if it was a beautiful cafe in the middle of Bur Dubai? Or even outer-suburban London. Probably not. People visit the Caffe Florian in Venice, because they can sit where those famous people sat, and look out at exactly the same view. They can watch the sunlight on marble and the shadows between the columns and discover where these artists and lovers found their inspiration. If you took Caffe Florian out of Piazza San Marco, would it be worth anything?

No. It's just an Italian restaurant. With techniques that can be copied, staff that can be poached and decor that can be purchased elsewhere. I have reviewed three other big brand names recently - Emporio Armani Caffe, Shake Shack and Fauchon. Sure, the venues on their own are good. But would they be just as good if they were called "Cafe Italiano", "American Burger House" and "Patisserie Francais"? I'm sure they would.

And it would give me one less thing to complain about.

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Caffe Florian is located in the DIFC, block 6, the  Gate Village, close to Zuma. ph 04-3231833

And by the way, for the Maitre'd; there are plenty of restaurants in Dubai that sell both pork and alcohol - it is the owners choice to settle in a space that is unlicensed to do so.







Happy Birthday

Lucrecia is a lovely gal. She's happy all the time. She brings energy and giggles into any room, but not only that, she's worldly, opinionated, unabashed and particularly good at funny voices. I had always thought she was smarter than the average bear, but then she invited me to Angel's 4th birthday. She was going to have a pool party.

Friday morning disappears in a haze of hangovers, 'nippers' (Lion's activity with other Aussies on Umm Suqeim beach on Fridays) and shopping for obscure ingredients for the following day's adventure in dining. I find myself falling out of a taxi into extreme afternoon heat on Palm Jumeirah in a bundle of noodles, towels, tangles of goggles, squeaky rubber rings and all manner of buckets and contraptions. Bloody hell, I forgot the bleeding present.


There is a three second reprieve from the heat as we walk through the foyer, but we are greeted again with Dubai's favorite hair-dryer in the face weather as we stumble through the opposite doors. I catch my reflection before I shove the doors open, and with my burden of primary coloured contraptions I look like some kind of mutant irradiated giant squid. Earlier, I had put on earrings and makeup, but already the foundation is dripping into my cleavage and one earring is gone - probably in the cab, or dangling off the end of a piece of floaty foam.

We're late. There are already dozens of kids in the pool, but it's hard to tell how many - in typical child-pool relationships, all I can see is bums, half of which have one cheek hanging out of the swimming costume. The noise is cacophonous. Scream, yelp, whoop, splash, waahh, crack, bounce, wheeeee, whoosh, smash, cough, thud. And yet, above all, I can hear Lucrecia, a broken record, "NO! Stop that! Put that down! Sharing is caring!"

I head for the bar.

This haven is also not silent, full of topless men 'Corr'ing and guffawing into their pints. In typical western fashion, we have battle of the sexes - the females try to keep their children alive in the face of certain peril, and the males try to sink as much beer as possible before the respective female elevates her hand in SOS fashion. If the men are fortunate enough to be slurring their words by this stage, they will be able to escape child minding duty, and possibly even an early start on Saturday. The payment is having to apologize profusely, deal with rolling eyes and nagging, but it's probably worth it. Hambone has left me to fend for myself on this occasion, pleading unfinished work at the office. Yeah, right.

I notice none of the other women are drinking (yet) so I ask for my scotch and dry in a tall glass. I can pretend that I too can enjoy a day such as this sans alcohol. The yummy mummies are bikini-clad and lined up along the wide top step, pretty derrieres just grazing the water, long brown legs angling onto the second or third step, a foot occasionally lifted to inspect the pedicure on their un-bunioned tootsies. They recline back on elbows, keeping their tanned midriffs free of unsightly creases, and chat about schools, maids and handbags.

I sit, fully clothed beside like-sized mothers, these are the ones I relate to. We also pretend to take an interest in the children, but like all the others, are in fact doing the very best we can to disappear into our happy place. I have a reverse "Twinings" moment, where I make it unfortunately obvious that I thought a friend was not pregnant, therefore inferring I had believed she had just got quite fat, or that she was already too fat for me to notice. This is in fact untrue, I had never really checked her out that well, but people tend to cringe when I start on "your beauty is on the inside" stories. I refrain from digging myself further into a hole and shift position to the baby pool.


While Goldie is terrorizing smaller tots, particularly one which is subjected to constant ball-bouncing on the head, I look astern to find Lion vamoosing out of sight around the corner. Mischievous little so-and-so. I immediately leave the alcoholic drink within reach of 15 small hands, and career after him, screaming like a harpy and dragging a flailing and highly disappointed Goldie in my wake. Of course everybody in the vicinity except the intended recipient notices my voracious one-sided discourse.

I finally catch up with him, and discover that he is at the tail end of a conga line of naughty eight year old girls sidestepping out on a ten cm wide ledge that is 4 meters above some very hard brick flagstones. I ask the leader: "Does your mother know you are here doing this Tabby?"
I get the look I used to give my mum when I was 15. "Yes."
"Fine. Go ahead then. Lion, I expressly forbid you to kill yourself. If I find you on this ledge I am going to pull your pants down in front of all these girls and spank your bare bum. Tabby, have fun breaking your legs." I am not going to discipline other people's children. I have a hard enough time stopping my own kids from having fun.

Now, where's my drink?

By now, the 6 year old boys have invaded the baby pool, and the little ones are either face down in tears on the side, or piffing missiles from behind their mothers skirts beyond the wet edge. I find my drink, but it tastes of chlorine and cooties. Lucrecia is still in the pool, now simply tipping buckets of water over the head of any child who gives her lip. The eight-year-old girls are taking this one step further and dunking anyone and anything that gets in their way. The nine-year-old boys have snuck around the corner to tell penis jokes and attempt dangerous jumps. There are at least three children crying uncontrollably, but none of them are mine, so I order another drink. The life guard sits statue-still in his tower, gazing over the mayhem to the hazy Burj al Arab on the horizon. He has obviously found HIS happy place...

Finally we get the summons "FOOD!"

25 children launch out of the pool in a tidal wave and over to tables of sweeties and pizza. Goldilocks emits a battle-cry and forces himself through the fray of larger bodies to the bowl of mini marshmallows, which he proceeds to force in fist-sized lumps into his hungry mouth. Lion arrives three seconds too late, and there is only one slice of pizza left. Goldilocks opens his mouth and kindly offers Lion some marshmallows that are now looking like a tennis-ball sized wad of unicorn poop that refuses to be swallowed.

Lucrecia shakes her voluptuous booty to something upbeat and sickening from The Wiggles, and all join in 'Musical Statues'. The big kids pretend they don't like it, but are experts. They whine when they are eliminated for the slightest twitch while the three year olds stay in despite obvious lack of rhythm and reflexes. In the end, Lucrecia is surrounded by a group of hot and grumpy mini complainers, all of which think they deserve to win. She sighs, not for the first time today, and everybody gets a prize.

I sit in the shadows trying to delve inside myself for inner cool, but cannot find it. The heat is unbearable. It's sticky and still, and I wish I'd brought my bathers, even though I'd have to wave my dimpled white butt in front of all those nymph-like bodies and risk unsightly pool-hair. As it is, my face is melted off completely, and my hair has curled in the humidity to the point where I look like I have two little horns protruding from my temples. As Hambone finally arrives (with the forgotten present), I decide to act like the devil I look, and have another glass of Chardonnay. He asks why I'm not swimming in this heat, and I try to explain the large amount of people and my ugly bottom, and he glares at me like the idiot I am.

At 5pm the cake arrives. It's a masterpiece of pink, girly fluffiness - a princess, complete with a de-legged barbie thrust in the top. Goldilocks thinks it is the most beautiful thing he has ever seen. Lucrecia has finally attired herself in a towel of the Australian flag, and fends off the mosh-pit of children developing around her, just for the amount of time it takes Angel to blow out the candles and the rest of us to sing a particularly un-gorgeous version of Happy Birthday. Then it implodes like a reverse volcano, occasionally throwing up an arm loftily bearing a plate with its prize of cake. Goldilocks manages to get a piece against all odds, and eats only the frosting - delegating the rest as 'Mummy's cake'. Nummy.

Today we are fortunate, and Lion is tired and wants to go home. This saves all levels of bribes and unhappiness at the exit (I have found that party bags just don't cut it any more - our spoiled children seem to need more than we did to keep them happy). We say goodbye and thank Lucrecia for putting up such a wonderful show. We apologize for the lack of conversation. I feel guilty. I could have helped a little more, especially when she was tipping water on the kids heads. But then again, I did my party miles in March, and will do so again in October. I can tell you now, it won't be a pool party.

...Maybe a sleep over....?


Sticky Date Pudding

It's always baffled me in this part of the world. Why is there a complete lack of sticky date pudding on menus here? It is one of the best desserts in the world, and we are living in the centre of all date production. It's a travesty. 

Recently, a bunch of fellow foodies and I (members of tabletalk.me) started a fun round of non-televised "Come dine with me". Sally from My Custard Pie has already popped a post up on this - I was first up, and am still reeling - I may talk about it soon, when I am ready to relive the horror that Sally didn't seem to see. 

Anyway, I thought I would introduce my foodie friends to Sticky Date Pudding. I have found out since, that the English "Sticky Toffee Pudding" is in fact similar, and does, despite the title, contain dates, and so it was no great surprise for Sally. It was however for Sukaina, who kindly oohed and ahhed and asked for the recipe. Here you go my dear...



Ingredients:
  • 170g dates (about a cup, stoned and pitted and chopped)
  • 300ml Boiling water
  • 1 tsp bicarbonate of soda
  • 170g of flour (about 3/4 cup)
  • 2 eggs
  • 60 g butter
  • 100 g brown sugar
  • drizzle of vanilla essence
For the Sauce:
  • 150g butter
  • 250g brown sugar (about a cup)
  • 2/3 cup cream

(note - I use metric cups, which are 250ml - not the American cup, which is closer to 200)

Instructions
  1. Preheat oven to 180ºC. Put the dates and bicarbonate in your blender, and pour over the boiling water, then leave to rest.
  2. Cream butter and sugar, then add eggs one by one, then stir in flour gently. 
  3. Puree date mix roughly, then fold into batter. Pour into small doughnut molds and bake for 15-20 minutes, or until a skewer tests clean and pudding springs back when lightly pressed.
  4. While pudding is cooking, place sauce ingredients on the stove on a low heat and simmer for about 5 minutes. Drench puddings in sauce, and serve warm with a scoop of marscapone or double cream, and make sure you also take a jug of extra sauce out for people to have more lashings of heaven.

I used mini doughnut molds, because I thought it gave a slight impression of a date plant. Besides that, however, they work like a bundt mold, and ensure the center is cooked perfectly whilst the outside doesn't get overcooked. This is not a self saucing style pudding - you want it cooked nicely all the way through. It is however, traditionally cooked in a round pan - 18-20cm would be best, and made this way, will take approximately 30-40 minutes to cook in the oven.






The gift of food art - Honyaki Restaurant




Natural Disasters tend to have a ring-on effect. A tsunami brings with it waves that continue to beat the country even months and years after the waters recede. Although the news has petered to a trickle,  Japan's problems are far from over.

Of course, there is the rebuild, the ongoing threat of radiation, the grief, and the lack of services or assistance compounding the problem. If you want to keep up with it, just type Japan into Google. The first site will be Wikipedia, but under that, you will find only tragedy for page after page. No tourism, no sushi, no technology news. (the best update I have found is here)

One of the key words you will find in your search results is 'boycott'. Because, of course, there has been a radiation leak. This poison transfers fairly easily into foods, particularly fruit and vegetables. So we have poisoned food in a country where resources are already disabled in all manners. This means lower levels of food for domestic consumption, and international boycotts on their exports. Ironically, one of the best sources of natural iodine is Japanese sea kelp, and the consumption of this will assist the body in fending off any radiation absorption.



I feel awful. The pain keeps on coming for these people. But at the same time,  I don't want to put any nuclear food in my body. In my panic I avoided Japanese restaurants for the last month, worried that radiated product would be heading our way. I know they are testing radiation levels in the USA, UK and Australia when it comes to Japanese imports, but I've read nothing about that here. To all those that think my fear is stupid, inflamed and irrational, you are all right. I'm sorry, but my brain is a fragile organ that I have very little control over. Fortunately, time tends to heal my nerves, and now I have returned to one of my favourite cuisines. Hello Honyaki.

Honyaki opened in Madinat Jumeirah only a couple of weeks ago, and 'Foodiva' Samantha Wood was heading down for lunch and wanted some company. Lucky me, I love dining with other foodies - we can talk about all the nit-picky stuff I love.



As you can see from the photographs, the kitchen is not actually a cooking zone, it's an artist's studio. We ordered sashimi, maki rolls, a sushi sandwich, a couple of spoons and ice-cream. You would think that would be enough for two, even a couple of ravenous foodies, but every plate that passed us fueled our appetite. The guys behind the bench really are something special - I have rarely seen prettier food.

But does it taste good? Sashimi was tasty - particularly the yellow-tail - but the salmon was cut in long fine waves, and I'm a traditionalist - I like little bricks - they're easier to pick up and fling into your mouth before the slippery little suckers fall off your chopsticks.

The Maki was OK. We had ordered the 'rock and roll' spicy tuna maki, and I was expecting something to explode into my mouth like an Aerosmith drum solo. Not so. They seriously need to crank up the heat. Together with that, the wasabi paste was a little insipid. Samantha tells me that the real wasabi one finds in Japan is traditionally not as spicy as we tend to eat it elsewhere, but this Aussie likes a fire up her nose - if it's not there, it's just not right. The sandwich was good - a crab mix with crunchy tempura flakes sandwiched in between rice and nori, but again, needed a little more punch.



The stand-outs were the spoons. This is something I have not seen in Japanese restaurants before, but I LIKE it. It's almost like a deconstructed roll. The first was wagyu - described as simply seered wagyu with sweet soy sauce, but in fact was a wafer-thin roll of melt-in-the-mouth rare beef topping some deeply flavoured rice soaked in sticky soy and I'm sure something else - maybe some beef stock derivative. This was then sprinkled with fried panko breadcrumbs and crispy shallot flakes. It had everything - sweet, salty, spicy, meaty, crunchy, chewy, crumbly. Just magic. It was so good, that Samantha declined dessert, opting instead for the salmon spoon, which came with sweet mustard miso sauce and bursting salmon roe the size of green peas. I really hope they increase the range of spoons available - at the moment there are only 4.


Dessert for me was two patties of green tea and lychee  ice cream, both encased in little soybean pillows. Again, stunning, and probably better to look at than eat, but still, very good, and I would order it again, particularly the lychee.

But the question is, do I now have radiation poisoning? No. Most of the kelp used in Nori production, although termed Japanese Kelp, is in fact farmed thousands of kilometers away in China. The fish is all sourced as locally as possible, as are all the other ingredients. (However I have heard there is a dearth on the pickled pink ginger - none of which we saw on the plate today.) All we have taken from Japan is their expertise. And when I think of it like this, it feels like I'm stealing. But will that stop me going back to Honyaki? I think not.

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Honyaki is located above the Amphitheatre in Madinat Jumeirah Souk, next to Jambase. It is licenced and serves Sake, some other Japanese beverages and extortionately priced wine by the glass, and of course soft drinks. I can imagine quickly finding my way to the bottom of my wallet here on the terrace on a balmy March evening. The tea is bottomless and a bargain at 25AED. Total of our bill was 380AED - not cheap, but we were very well fed. Opening hours are daily from 12 till 12.

Tel: +971 4 3666730
Fax: +971 4 3666649
website: jumeirah.com

Over the hills and far away

Muscat. If you say that word in my home town, what comes to mind is an unctuous ambrosia made in the Rutherglen region. Sweet, drippy, fortified wine that is produced in a solera method, a little like a sourdough - the wine goes into barrels and is aged. Half is taken out and drunk. The rest is mixed with new stock, and returned to the cellar for further aging. This happens time and time again, until eventually it is impossible to tell how old the wine coming out of that barrel actually is. It's absolutely luscious stuff.

In this part of the world, Muscat is a city on the other side of the Hajar mountains, a quieter, more traditional version of a west-friendly Middle Eastern City. It's rare for anyone who lives in Dubai for more than a couple of years not to visit it - it's a 6-hour drive, or short plane trip away, and particularly during Summer, a welcome few degrees cooler. But most people take the beach road. Little do they know, but the desert road has wonders for them to explore - tiny settlements built up year, upon year, upon year, a melding of both old and new, that must not be missed. I will tell you about many over time, but one of the most picturesque of these gems is Jabrin Fort.

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We drive through Al Ain, and take the Jebel Hafeet road, and cross the border there. It's a sleepy outpost - no queues of trucks waiting to get through, no tourists, barely a man and his goat. Jebel Hafeet is a lonely blip on the landscape, so we put on a good CD and enjoy having time to talk with the family - the landscape is a flat wasteland for at least an hour.

Then the sand changes texture. It becomes rockier, deeper in colour, sparse vegetation appears by the way of thin ghaf forests and organic gargantuan steel wool bushes. We pass through the oasis town of Ibri, where, those who are brave enough can stop at the VERY traditional souk, maybe picking up some silver, camel bags, or a live goat to throw in the back of the ute. Take note, no McDonalds here. Those who can't bear the local food better come packing items of modernity.

We drive on, and then all of a sudden, we are on another planet. 

Mountains rise out so suddenly, initially we mistake them for a mirage. The colours are surreal - deep red, ochre, gashes of blue-black. The texture is like Mars - Some of the ranges appear ribs of deposits, others rent from the crashing of landmasses, still more appearing like giant stone frisbees thrown by the Titans in an ancient game.


Occasionally we pass a roadhouse, a mosque, a service station. Nothing more. It would be possible to take this road the entire way to Nizwa, unaware there were hidden settlements. Bahla, and Al Hamra mustn't be missed, but they are for another day. We find the Jabrin turnoff just before Bahla - sometimes spelled Jabreen, others Jabrin, and even Jabberin. A five minute drive will takes us from the alien landscape and modern highway into a piece of Omani History.

It was built in the 1670s by Imam Sultan bin Saif Al Ya'arubi, and has been preserved impeccibly, but additionally recently restored. We step through the stumpy openings that hold four-inch-thick wooden doors, and bow our heads, just as intended - traditionally, it's best to walk into a room with eyes lowered - one wouldn't want to catch the lady of the house unawares. It's dark. The walls are smooth, like new plaster, but chalky and cool. Arches lead through to the central courtyard and the light source. I take a quick in-breath - it's really quite beautiful. The kind of thing you would expect to see on a movie set, not here to be touched and walked on.

Arches and stairs lead up and down, around and about. It's like the Dr Who's Tardis. It doesn't appear this big from the outside, but here we are, on level two, three, four, then on the roof, blinded by the sun, then silenced by the view. Then we walk down again, three, two, one, and below. Here, it is dimmest of all, cold and quiet. The basement floor is corduroyed, small trenches used to flow with water or date honey and oil. Imam himself rests here under the floor for eternity. The walls and ceilings are carved with arabic script, the meaning unknown to me, possibly a poem, and excerpt from the Qur'an, an epitaph?

The friendly gatekeeper hurries us out with as much politeness as hustle. It's 4:30, and the fort closed at 4pm. He doesn't mind, he says, smiling, ruffling Goldilocks hair, allowing our extra photos, asking us in broken English about Australia, and how we like living in Dubai. He closes the door behind us, and we realise that we had been only among ten other tourists. It's a remarkable thing, discovering something so important to a tourist trail, and knowing that less than 1% of the world knows anything about it. I get the feeling Oman and it's people like it this way - maybe that's why they are always smiling to themselves so happily.


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The opening hours are as sparse as the vegetation in the desert. 9am to 4pm Monday to Thursday, 9am to 11am Friday, and 9am to 2:30pm on Saturdays and Sundays.

We stayed overnight at the Golden Tulip hotel. It's just outside of Nizwa, clean and servicable, but nothing special (although the astroturf around the pool really was something to behold). The curry was pretty good. There are a couple of other hotels and a guesthouse, but none really come highly recommended. It takes about 4 and a half hours to jet to Jabrin from Dubai including border crossings, and about another half hour from Jabrin to the hotel.  There are camp sites nearby at Jabal Shams, and near al Hamra. Take note many places are unlicenced, so if you want a G&T with your desert mountain sundown, then the Golden Tulip is your best bet. You could continue driving onto Muscat - it's only about an hour and a half from Jabrin.

More photos - I just couldn't stop...











 







Giving veggies a hiding

My mum used to make me eat brussel sprouts. Not the tiny little gourmet buttered brussel sprouts with roasted chestnuts that you find on a lavish European Christmas table. Oh no - these were 1970s Australian versions - bitter, olivey-grey, egg-sized, boiled monsters of torture that would keep me sitting at the table twisting my fork idly over my plate until bedtime. One day I refused to eat them, and I got them back again for breakfast.

In my house, the monsters are not on the plate - they're eating off it. Or, more truthfully, they are running around the living room avoiding what is on the plate. I have absolutely no control of my children. They eat what they want, when they want, in the manner they want. I have no idea how my mother managed to handle me - I was far from perfect myself. 

So, with an utter lack of a firm parental hand or the juvenile respect for authority, the only way for me to get kids to eat healthy food is to disguise it in yummy form. I have hundreds of ways - they involve all manner of slicing, dicing, pureeing, grating, mixing, stuffing and coating. One of the favourites is the meatballs below. Bear in mind, these are for children (or grown men who won't eat their veggies), so are appropriately bland. I also make them for us, but with plenty of extra spice.



Ingredients
  • minced beef - about 200g
  • 1 egg
  • breadcrumbs - about 1/3 cup (preferably wholemeal)
  • 1 large carrot, grated finely
  • 1 zucchini (courgette), grated finely
  • 1/4 tsp ground cumin
  • a good squirt of BBQ sauce (or ketchup if your kids like it really bland)
  • pinch of salt
for the sauce
  • 1/2 can chopped tomato
  • 1/4 tsp ground coriander
  • tiny sprinkle ground allspice
  • 1/2 tsp sugar
  • pinch salt

Instructions:
  1. preheat oven to 200ᵒC
  2. combine all ingredients for the meatballs (best if you use your hands to get it very smooth - if you are squeamish, use a fork), then shape into ping-pong sized balls. Place on an oiled oven tray and bake for about 25 minutes (until a rich brown colour), turning once.
  3. While the meat is cooking, in a small oiled pan, combine sauce ingredients and simmer very slowly for at least 5 minutes (I leave it on for the entire meat cooking time, but make sure it doesn't burn - adding water if it gets too dry)


Serve with steamed rice and grated cheese over the top. Also makes a great hamburger patty base, which can be cooked on the barbecue or in a fry-pan. For us, I add extra cumin, ground coriander, garlic and chilli to the meatballs, and onion, fresh coriander and more chilli to the sauce (we love our chilli)









The essence of Italy and Emporio Armani Caffe

What do you think of when someone says "Italian"?

For me, foremost, it's always food. Pizza, followed by pasta. Gingham tablecloths, chunky white glazed terracotta pitchers filled with light red wine. Overhead pergolas creaking under the weight of hundred-year-old grape vines. Patchwork quilt panoramas over blanketed fields and forest of Tuscany. Possibly a little drunken merriment in the sunshine thrown in for good measure.

Secondly, I think of Italian men. Passionate, forward, confidant, sexy because of the prior three, irrespective of how handsome they are, and above all, stylish. I recall a visit to Florence in 2002, when I saw a janitor wearing Armani pants. Actually, I couldn't even call them pants - they were slacks. Immaculately tailored, Armani trousers. My Senior Associate Lawyer husband was wearing Levis, which he only ever exchanged for Benetton or Billabong shorts. Even his suits came from some unremarkable and since forgotten Melbourne store. The most valuable souvenir he retained from that trip was that it wasn't just a woman's responsibility to look good.


One of the great perks of writing a blog that centres around food is that you tend to get the occasional free lunch. And recently, I strolled down the 'Via Rodeo' within Mall of the Emirates to enjoy the offerings from the Emporio Armani Caffe. Walking down this strip is about as unfamiliar to me as it gets. It's a section lined with money - Versace, YSL, Ferragamo, Jimmy Choo, Cavalli, Ralph Lauren, Marc Jacobs, Dolce and Gabbana. These are the labels I only ever see in Karama, and then of course, they're all lies, lies, lies. Apart from once owning a pair of Ferragamo sunglasses, my wardrobe is sadly lacking in any of this splendour. I just can't bring myself to spend that amount of money on such a small item. But that doesn't mean that a small part of me doesn't want to. But when I hold a piece of fashion from one of these labels and weigh up - "dress from Italy?" or "trip to Italy?", I tend to opt for the latter. One day though it would be nice to have both...

So back to lunch....

The benefit inside the benefit of a free lunch is that you tend to go to places that you might have previously overlooked. And the Emporio Armani Cafe, being at the end of the via d'oro as it is, has been thus far neglected by me. And, I found out, this is a great shame. Because this cafe provides a fairly authentic Italian experience - rarely come across since I arrived in Dubai.


It's not really the atmosphere - although it is slick, clean lined and stylish. It is the food and the coffee. Sadly there is a complete lack of wine at the establishment (very un-Italian), but the pizza is so far the best I have had here. It is genuine; wood fired, thin, flakey, bubbly pizza dough, and topped with magical Napolitana sauce. The Margherita was perfect in its simplicity, a true test of the base and the topping. The Bresaola and rocket pizza was a triumph.

After pizza we had a choice of mains, and being the ravenous carnivore I am, I found it hard to go past the lamb chops. It was a true test - as will be the following for vegetarians - I suggest you skip onto the next paragraph. Considering we get most of our lamb here from Australia and New Zealand, it is no longer spring lamb (We get this between January and March), which is lamb 3-5 months old, born in the southern hemisphere spring (October). It's still a little early for the Northern Hemisphere spring lamb, and so we are getting the older Antipodean lamb. This means it has an extra layer of gristle in the lamb cutlet that in the younger lamb melts away while cooking. Now the chef did a good job - the cutlets were tender, the sauce flavoursome, but the gristle was there. I think the mark of a very good restaurant is the adaptation of the menu according to season. Lamb back straps would have been better (this mid-season lamb is more flavoursome).

Lastly, we finished with coffee. And again, they triumphed. Italians would sneer at me ordering my cafe latte - it's sacrilege I know to drink milky coffee after lunch, but there was no dessert on offer (this was a tasting of their business express lunch - in and out in an hour), and I needed something to take the place of the panacotta I really desired. The coffee was rich and flavoursome - a deep crema that permeated the thick foam that rested on top. And yes, it was foam, not froth. Dense and creamy, like the head on a Guinness, just the way it's supposed to be. The milk was hot, but not boiled - as it always seems to be in this part of the world, a cardinal coffee making sin, as it breaks the bonds in the milk, changes the taste and ruins the texture of the foam.

I left in perfect time to pick up my youngsters from school - in and out quickly, as promised. Not a business lunch for me, but express nonetheless. And then to top it off, I was given a goodie bag. An Armani paper bag to stroll down the Via Rodeo with. Sure, it was small, and filled with chocolate and jam, but nobody else knew that. I lifted my nose and walked like a woman with a dress in the bag that didn't cost me my summer holiday.

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The verdict? Go, and order pizza. Or just have a coffee - It really is worth it. Emporio Armani Caffe is located on level 1 of the Mall of the Emirates, and open from 10am to 11pm daily. Incidentally, the group that controls this cafe also owns Almaz by Momo, which is directly upstairs, and another favourite of mine. I like a bit of consistency.